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"People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up."
"A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of."
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold."
"To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up."
"No, you never get any fun out of the things you haven't done."
"So Columbus said, somebody show me the sunset and somebody did and he set sail for it,
And he discovered America and they put him in jail for it,
And the fetters gave him welts,
And they named America after somebody else."
"I claim there ain't
As great as Valentine."