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"Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course."
"If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron."
"My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch."
"There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray."
"I'm a golfaholic, no question about that. Counseling wouldn't help me. They'd have to put me in prison, and then I'd talk the warden into building a hole or two and teach him how to play."
"You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work."
"You can talk to a fade but a hook won't listen."
"Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course."
