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"I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game: it's called an eraser."
"Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course - the distance between your ears."
"Golf is like a love affair. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart."
"Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it."
"Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic."
"Forget your opponents; always play against par."
"I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies."
"If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death."
"Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness."
"What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive."