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"He who dies with the most toys is, nonetheless, still dead."
"Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box."
"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours."
"It is possible to provide security against other ills, but as far as death is concerned, we men live in a city without walls."
"One death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic."
"Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die."
"Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box."
"It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens."
"How could they tell? " (upon hearing that President Coolidge had died)
"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."